


Star Shard

by NanakiBH



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Anal Sex, Choking, Emotional Manipulation, Loud Sex, M/M, Neck Kissing, Obedience, Possessive Behavior, Power Dynamics, Religious Guilt, Speculation, Spoilers, Teacher-Student Relationship, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Violent Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 08:48:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18443123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: There was nothing that could stop them, only the things they hid from themselves.





	Star Shard

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is in full speculation mode. This is basically my idea of how and why Demyx (*cough* The Master of Masters' Nobody) came to be in the Organization. My thoughts on this will probably change a lot later... And this might get horribly retconned. lol Regardless, I enjoyed thinking about this a lot, and I hope you enjoy, too.

The Master...

Was he still watching?

 

Luxu wanted to share his successes with them.

 

But, perhaps it was too soon to be celebrating...

 

His keyblade seemed to have gotten lost after Xehanort used it to turn himself into a Nobody. It had to exist somewhere even if he couldn't see it, trapped between existence and non-existence just like his heart. In the scheme of things, its absence hadn't been long, but Luxu missed seeing the Master's Gazing Eye.

 

If it wasn't there, then...

What did that mean?

 

The time may not have been long, but with the events of his journey at their climax, that moment was the most important for the Master to witness. Luxu wanted him to see his race to the finish line. He wanted him to see his victory. Telling him about it wouldn't have been the same.

But...

It didn't make sense.

Granted, he hadn't been allowed to see the Book of Prophecies himself, but he assumed that everything was written, even the time he was passing through. If the Master knew that a Dark Master would arise to claim the keyblade, then he must have known that the Eye itself would eventually go astray. So, to fill in the void created by its disappearance...

What? What was there?

There were no alternatives.

 

Had he fallen off track without noticing...?

 

That couldn't have been possible. The Master's word was absolute. His word was the law. It was the way. It was impossible for him to be incorrect.

So, Luxu determined, the Master must have known. He just had to keep believing in him. It wasn't his place to question his wisdom. Even the things that seemed like mistakes had to be a part of his plan. If he began questioning him, he would risk losing faith... And he would feel disappointed in himself for committing such a transgression.

Still...

He wanted to retrieve the No Name as quickly as possible, just in case.

For that to happen, he needed to complete his work as Xigbar, the Organization's second in command. Once the old man returned, the Gazing Eye could resume its vigil.

 

Xemnas handed him down an order – to expand the Organization's numbers.

That task brought Xigbar a bitter smile. The similarity didn't escape him – it was almost like he was being asked to form his own Union.

It wasn't as simple as it sounded, though. He didn't have his keyblade, so he lacked the means to cleanly release a heart. Once again, he felt hindered by the absence of the No Name. He only had one choice and it was a shitty choice. He didn't want to kill anyone and hope for the best.

 

As he departed from the Castle That Never Was, he paused and placed a hand over his chest.

As a Nobody, he didn't even have a heart to guide him.

 

Saying the mantra was pointless.

 

Even if the Eye wasn't there to watch him, he still had the Master's promise, stronger and more reliable than his pitiful human heart and any worldly thing. That knowledge helped to carry him as he departed on his mission to look for new members.

Even thinking logically, he had no idea where he would find other people whose hearts were strong enough to form human Nobodies, so he wandered, eventually finding himself at the crossroads of all worlds, the town known as Traverse Town.

Traverse Town was a place for people from all over, so he didn't need to conceal his presence. He walked around the town and found a few wayward newcomers who had been thrown from a collapsing world. They looked strong, but they didn't seem suited for fighting; after surviving that harrowing experience, their hearts were shaken, crippled with fear and uncertainty.

They couldn't help him, but since it seemed like he wasn't going to make any progress, Xigbar decided to help them, protecting them from the Heartless until they made it safely to the Traverse Town hotel.

Xemnas would have called that a waste of time. And it was.

He only did it because he had the feeling that it would have pleased the Master. Realistically, he probably would have called it a waste of time, too... But he wouldn't have reprimanded him for it. There were traits in others that the Master admired even if he found them foolish – the idiosyncrasies that made people human.

Xigbar was well aware that the Master would have seen his incidental act of kindness as just another one of those 'idiosyncrasies', but... He was sure that it would have made him smile.

The Master wasn't like other people. He was one of a kind. The way he saw things, there were only things that were worth his time and things that weren't, things that benefited him and things that did not. Yet, he still had a heart that recognized happiness.

For many years Xigbar had lived, collecting and forgetting countless names.

Those lives were filled with pain, loneliness, sadness...

In another century or two, he knew that he and the Master would have been the same, indifferent to everything. That was why he wanted to show him happiness while he still could. It was hard to tell if it even came from the heart anymore...

It was just, when he imagined the Master's smile, it made it a little easier to live.

 

In the end, Xigbar didn't find any new members and he was getting tired, so he decided to return to the castle.

 

As he approached the castle, he noticed a hooded figure sitting on the steps. It was dark, and his face was shrouded in deep shadow. His coat was the same as theirs, but Xigbar wasn't able to see his face. His presence was strange. He wasn't like the others...

Although unexpected, Xigbar wasn't concerned.

As he approached him, the man pulled back his hood and looked up at him. Once he was close enough, Xigbar realized that he looked younger than he'd seemed from a distance. He had an obnoxious hairstyle, but he had a nice smile, and his eyes...

 

His eyes...

 

“Heya,” the mysterious stranger said. “I'm your ninth member.”

“That so?” Xigbar said, keeping his tone neutral.

 

His mind was already racing, but he didn't want to jump to any conclusions before obtaining more information. It was only a hunch. He wasn't going to risk divulging his secrets to a perfect stranger.

And that hunch was... slim.

It was hardly even worth considering.

 

With a disappointed-sounding sigh, the stranger leaned back, resting his elbows on the steps behind him.

He was definitely a Nobody, that much Xigbar was able to tell, but he was awfully animated for a man with no heart. He looked too comfortable for a newcomer. It was like he was used to it – like he'd been a Nobody for a long time or like he'd become one by his own choice. That felt like a lot to assume, but it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. When faced with unforeseen situations, Xigbar liked to take stock of all possibilities to make sure that he stayed ahead.

“Sheesh, at least say 'thank you',” the stranger said, shaking his head. “I'm making your job easier. How the heck are you supposed to find Nobodies to fill out the ranks, right? That's so unreasonable. Your boss is rough.”

“Where did you come from? Did Xemnas choose you?”

For a second, the cloaked stranger was quiet, staring at him with an eyebrow raised. He looked confused.

“Uhh... No? I chose myself,” he said, pointing at himself.

 

What was that supposed to mean?

How could someone 'choose' themselves?

 

No one knew about the Organization apart from its members.

No one.

No one, except...

 

“Did you figure it out? I mean... You're the only one who could.”

 

There was only one other person who was aware of everything, who'd seen everything he'd seen. And Xigbar was the only one who would have known that person. So, as far as he knew, he knew the answer. It just... didn't feel real. It was possible, of course. That man was capable of making anything possible.

But after so long, for him to appear then, at that moment...

At that moment when he felt directionless...

 

“You're...”

 

He'd managed to be strong until then. The man in front of him wasn't wholly the Master, but he was a part of him, and that was enough. To him, it was a sign.

Just being in his presence filled Xigbar with an overwhelming sense of comfort unlike anything he'd felt in years. Having half of the Master there with him made it feel as though half of the burden had been taken off his shoulders.

Losing the strength in his legs, he fell to his knees and just breathed as tears ran down his face.

Panicking, clearly unsure how to act in such a situation, the Master's Nobody hopped up from the steps and crouched in front of him. He put one of his hands on Xigbar's shoulder and used the fingers of his other hand to lift his chin. For whatever reason, he didn't look like the Master, but he had his eyes, so there was no doubt in Xigbar's mind that he was who he thought. He would have recognized that calming blue anywhere, so it didn't matter how unusual the circumstances were. He knew.

Once the Master's Nobody got him to look him in the eyes, the panic eased away from his expression, replaced by a soft and still somewhat concerned smile.

“Keep it together,” he said as he stood, bringing Xigbar up along with him. “I know it's hard, but you gotta pretend like I'm a stranger, at least until we're alone. You've come this far – you wouldn't want to make any mistakes now, would you?”

Xigbar nodded and hastily dried his face with the back of his coat sleeve. It was already bad enough that he'd let himself look so fragile in front of him. If Xemnas saw him looking that way, he would have had difficulty coming up with an explanation.

Already, Xigbar wanted to ask him what he was doing there, but it wasn't the right time. It could wait.

“So, you're my first recruit?”

The Master's Nobody nodded, smiling happily with his hands clasped together behind his back. “That's the idea.”

“I'll have to introduce you. Is there a name I can call you?”

His eyes wandered the dark sky as he thought. “Uh... Hmm... Well... It's not like anyone in this time would know my name, right? I guess it's safe to use it.”

“Demyx it is, then.”

“What the heck is a 'Demyx'?”

Xigbar chuckled. “What the heck is a 'Xigbar'?”

It took him a second, but he seemed to understand the naming convention once he thought about it. “That's kinda clever. Nobody will ever guess my real name that way... I mean, not like it matters. But still – neat. Is everybody here named like that? Is that a thing?”

“It's a thing.”

He laughed and slapped his knee. “Oh man, that's so corny! I love it!” He straightened up, putting his hands on his waist. “Alrighty then. You lead the way, old man.”

Xigbar decided that he didn't have the time to argue with him about calling him old. It was typical. It figured that the Master would already be making him flustered as soon as he made an appearance. He just shook his head instead and glowered at him disapprovingly with his one eye. “You better work on your attitude. I hope you've already figured out how you'll act in front of the others. You're a member of Organization XIII now. Don't forget that.”

Demyx clapped, looking impressed. “Wow, you really sound like you're in charge.”

“I am in charge.”

Though, with a piece of the Master there, he had to wonder who exactly was really in charge... With things still going his way, the ball had technically been in his court all along.

Xigbar sighed.

“Forget it. I know you have everything under control.”

Demyx's expression brightened.

“That's right. Never fear, for I'm here!”

* * *

Xigbar glanced at Demyx from the corner of his eye as they made their way up the castle. It would have been faster to open a dark corridor to the room where they would usually gather, but Xigbar wanted to let Demyx get a good feel for the place. Knowing him, there was probably no situation in which he was at a disadvantage, but wise was wise... And he seemed to be enjoying himself. His eyes were wide, taking everything in, a big, toothy smile on his face.

Xigbar tried not to smile too hard while looking at him. It would have been troublesome if someone saw him looking out of character. He was supposed to be the mysterious one. It would have been obvious to tell what was on his mind if anyone saw him looking at Demyx with stars in his eye.

“This place is pretty neat,” Demyx said, pausing to look at the designs on the wall in the hallway. He traced a finger around the shape of one of the Nobody emblems. “The architecture isn't like anything I've ever seen – but this? This is familiar. Is it your influence?”

“Could be.”

He hadn't thought about it.

Perhaps it did resemble something from his memory, but he couldn't remember perfectly. The castle came into existence along with them. It could have taken whatever it found within his memory and mixed it with the memories of the others.

That strange symbol was the only distinctive thing about the castle. Everything else was a pure white, like the state of their memories when they emerged as Nobodies.

The Master's memory... His Nobody's memory appeared to be pristine. He seemed fully aware of himself; where he came from and what he was there to do.

Xigbar was dying to know more.

“It might do you well to put on some nerves,” Xigbar suggested. “Xemnas doesn't like being looked down on. Your bright eyes will probably irritate him.”

“That's fine,” Demyx said. “I don't need anyone to like me.”

Xigbar gave him a questioning look.

Demyx shrugged. “I mean... It's not like I'm going to _try_ to get on their bad side...”

“Something tells me you already know that you're going to end up on their bad side. But... How do you know?” Xigbar turned his head, looking down the other end of the hallway to make sure no one else was around. “The Eye isn't here. So where are you getting this from?”

“Obviously, it's because I know what happens _after_. That's how I knew I should be here like this in the first place. However, when it comes to everything in between, I'm as clueless as you are. All I know is that my choices here work out, one way or another.”

It was a wonder he managed to act so confident.

Xigbar hadn't been allowed to see the Book of Prophecies, but he imagined that the absence of the Gazing Eye must have represented a few pages on which key events were missing. Realizing the importance of those events, the Master sent a substitute; not another keyblade, but a piece of his own self.

 

Demyx didn't have to explain it. The mystery of the Master's magic trick was unraveling in front of him.

 

Demyx waved a hand dismissively in the air. “Anyhow, I don't think this is the time. Even if I'm sure that we won't be discovered, I'd rather not take any risks that would alter what I read in the book. Let's be off,” he said, putting his hands behind his back as he started to walk again.

“You should stop doing that,” Xigbar said, gesturing at the thing Demyx kept doing with his hands. “If your aim is to make it through this as easily as possible, you need to shuck your pride and not underestimate the egos of everyone here. Trust me.”

Reluctantly, Demyx put his hands down at his sides. He looked thrown off, unsure what to do with himself when he wasn't allowed to maintain his typical confident posture. Some habits were indeed hard to break.

It magically made him look ten thousand times less imposing.

“That's perfect. Stay like that.”

“O-... Okay... I'll trust you,” he mumbled, shoulders slumping. “Uh, you know, I don't think this is going to be as fun as I'd hoped...”

“What made you think it was going to be fun? Nobody here has a heart. Everybody's miserable.”

“Thought I was gonna be like a cool spy with you...”

 

That was...

Quite cute, actually.

 

Xigbar crossed his arms over his chest and tried to hide his smile. “So you were looking forward to seeing me?”

Demyx, however, gave him a real, unabashed smile.

“I always look forward to seeing you.”

* * *

“Our new member,” Xemnas intoned, staring down at Demyx who sat on a seat lower than him and Xigbar.

Waiting for further that wouldn't come, Demyx looked around awkwardly until he realized that that was his silent cue to introduce himself.

“Oh! Yeah, hi there! I'm... uh... What was it...? ...Demyx?”

He was doing terribly. Whether it was intentional or not, Xigbar assumed he knew what he was doing. At least, he really hoped.

With a low grumble, Xemnas stared skeptically at Demyx before turning his attention to Xigbar. “I would like to praise you for finding us a new member, but I have... doubts. Do you think that he will be capable of adhering to the rigors of our Organization? I sense neither strength nor ambition from him.”

Xigbar blinked, then he looked over at Demyx and tried to imagine what Xemnas was seeing.

Demyx was slouched in his seat with his cheek propped up in one of his palms, swinging his feet back and forth over the edge of the seat.

Such casual behavior was typical of the Master, but to someone unfamiliar with his easygoing personality, it wouldn't have been odd if they thought that he looked lazy and bored. It was interesting that Xemnas didn't sense his strength, though. It was definitely there. Perhaps it was only discernible to someone who knew what they were looking for.

Demyx had the perfect disguise, but that meant that Xigbar had to try even harder to justify why he chose to recruit him.

“Nobodies of our caliber aren't as easy to come by as you might think,” he said, immediately feeling like he was leading with a terrible argument. He pivoted. “He shares the feelings of everybody here. When I found him, he was just an empty shell of a person. He wants a heart, so he's willing to help us. That makes him qualified if you ask me.”

Eyes closed, Xemnas hummed to himself as he thought, then nodded his head. “Very well. I do trust your judgment.”

“Heh. It's an honor.”

After a moment of silence, Demyx sat up, putting his hands down on his knees. “So, like, what do we do in this Organization? Do we get assigned roles?”

“Xigbar will fill you in on your duties,” Xemnas said. “Individual tasks and missions are handed down by Saix, our seventh member. You should speak with him if you have inquiries.”

“Don't expect any special accommodations,” Xigbar warned. “Saix is... Well, he isn't like you. Let's just say that.”

Demyx squinted. “What does that mean? I'm worried.”

It meant that his charms wouldn't work on a person like Saix. It would have been hard for him to get Saix to dance for him – not without a lot of persuasion. The Master wasn't fond of anyone he couldn't persuade easily. That was a thing Luxu had figured out about him a long time ago.

Xemnas looked at them both, from one to the other. “I am ready to accept you. However, I have one more question. In order for us to obtain hearts of our own, we must first summon the great Kingdom Hearts. To do this, we must release hearts from the Heartless. That task can only be truly accomplished with one type of weapon...”

Demyx gave him a confused look, feigning ignorance.

He held out one of his hands. From a black sphere of watery darkness, he pulled an unusual weapon. For a second, Xigbar half-expected it to be a keyblade, but it was something... quite different. Once its form was fully revealed, Xigbar wasn't even sure whether it was a weapon or not. It looked like a musical instrument, its shape noticeably inspired by the emblem Demyx had pondered earlier with him in the hallway.

“Is it this?” Demyx asked.

Xemnas's disappointment was visible.

“It is not. Our search continues.”

“Oh, uh... Sorry to disappoint,” Demyx apologized, laying the long instrument across his lap.

Xigbar waved it off. “Don't worry about it, kiddo. We'll get our hands on the thing we're looking for. It's just a matter of time.”

* * *

Xigbar almost felt bad leaving Xemnas so disappointed.

Once they were back on their own, Demyx stopped in front of him and turned around. In that form, Xigbar noticed that there was a slight difference in their heights, but their eyes met perfectly. It felt odd. In his memory, the Master seemed larger than life. The person in front of him looked so much smaller than he recalled. It wasn't just a matter of appearance.

“'Kiddo'?” Demyx said, narrowing his eyes at him with a hand on his hip.

“Consider it payback for calling me old,” Xigbar said, grinning.

Demyx huffed, just pretending to be annoyed. “You've become such a serious old man. Won't even let a kiddo like me have fun...”

 

Perhaps things were more different than he'd realized.

 

The Master's Nobody was identical to the Master he'd known. Apart from his appearance, nothing had changed about him. Even in the past, Luxu had acknowledged the childish part of the Master's personality, but that part of him seemed even more apparent to his adult eyes.

He felt older than him.

And he didn't really know how to feel about that.

 

He wanted to talk to him like he used to, but he knew that it would be impossible. Something inside of him had irreversibly changed.

 

“Hey.”

 

Demyx placed a hand on his shoulder, the calmest reassurance in the weight of his hand. “I know that this probably isn't what you imagined. Don't worry about that for now, okay? I'm not fully me. Don't forget that. That magical reunion you've been dreaming of is still beyond the horizon. Your faith and perseverance will be worthwhile.”

“That's kinda presumptuous of you to say, don't you think?” Xigbar muttered. Even so, he didn't make a move to remove Demyx's hand.

He still had that funny way of getting in his head... It wasn't so bad. Sometimes, it felt like all of the things he kept locked in his brain wanted to explode out. A part of him loved keeping the Master's secrets – it was his duty – but there was another part of him that wanted to divulge all of those secrets. He was tired of living behind a facade.

In all of those many years, he hadn't revealed his true self to anyone. Not a single person.

Luxu lived alone inside himself.

But finally, another person appeared inside his solitary world. He wasn't the person Xigbar wanted him to be, but he was close enough. At least it meant he wasn't alone. The weight of his secrets was finally shared.

Demyx gave his shoulder two pats before taking his hand away. Xigbar felt an odd disappointment in its absence.

“Alright, now show me to your room.”

If it had perhaps been anyone else he'd been speaking to, Xigbar would have had a response awaiting on his tongue, but instead he just stood there for a few seconds that quickly turned awkward. He wasn't used to being at a loss. Even if Demyx wasn't completely the Master, Xigbar didn't know how to answer him. The similarity was there, so they might as well have been the same.

The heat of embarrassment began to crawl up the back of his neck.

“Hm? What's the matter?” Demyx said, the edges of his lips curling with a sly grin. “I just want to see your room. Is there something wrong with that?”

As soon as he felt the heat spreading across his face, Xigbar took off, heading automatically in whichever direction. It was only fortunate that he unconsciously chose the direction of his room.

“You should be more aware of yourself,” he said, refusing to look back over his shoulder to even make sure that Demyx was following.

He heard some annoying snickering from behind.

Demyx was perfectly aware of himself. He knew how his choice of words sounded.

It shouldn't have been surprising, Xigbar realized. In his mind, a piece of his past self still existed and thought of the Master as his teacher – practically like a father to him. He admired him dearly. He wasn't a child anymore, though. He'd grown up, and the Master had watched him become an adult. It was only natural for Demyx to see him that way and to treat him as such.

There was no fighting it. The strangeness he felt existed to make him face the inescapable truth inside of him.

 

As they got closer to his room, Xigbar clenched his hands into fists at his sides.

 

He wanted to have sex with him.

* * *

That desire had always been there.

He was able to ignore it for that long, so he had no right to feel surprised once he turned around to face it.

From the beginning, he wanted him.

He coveted the Master, felt a jealousy he could barely suppress when he spent time alone with anyone else. Rational thinking didn't seem to exist as long as the Master filled his thoughts. He was special, so there was no reason for him to think that the Master would choose anyone over him, and yet there was always a terrible fear at the back of his mind. He tried to push it away, feeling dirty and horrible for even thinking about him that way, but those feelings never went away. In the end, he tried to satisfy himself with the fact that no one else could take his place.

But there was one person.

There was only one person whose desire for the Master rivaled his own.

Perhaps Ava hadn't wanted him in the same way, but Luxu still saw her as his competition. She adored the time she spent with the Master, and the Master seemed fond of her, too. That was enough to make Luxu resent her. Until the moment he departed on his mission, he warily kept his eyes on her.

How unfortunate she was...

As the one most worthy of the Master, he really wanted to be the better person, but he couldn't help but feel smug. She certainly deserved more than nothing, but the 'something' she wanted already rightfully belonged to him.

 

“This is your room? It sure is small.”

 

There were barely two strides between the door and the bed.

Xigbar felt like he was being provoked by that insignificant distance.

 

He was used to being under pressure. Outwardly, he remained calm as his thoughts raced. He had to decide quickly whether he wanted to throw away his old relationship with the Master. It sounded drastic when he thought of it that way, but it was what he'd always wanted. He didn't want for them to be just teacher and student.

But... That relationship was important to him, too. He couldn't throw it away that easily.

He was too greedy. He wanted everything.

It wasn't right. He didn't want the Master to know about the impure things in his heart.

 

Demyx covered those two strides and sat down on the bed. With a devilish smile, Demyx invited him closer with his eyes.

“I thought we should be alone to talk, but we can do that after we have sex.”

There was no ambiguity to be found that time. Xigbar still didn't know how he was supposed to react, so instead he laughed. After that long, agonizing over whether it was even right for him to think of the Master that way, the Master had known. It was so obvious, all he could do was laugh at himself and the sheer absurdity of his worthless deliberation.

Xigbar moved closer, relaxing his clenched fists. “You're really something when you decide to be straightforward. Even now, I gotta wonder what you're thinking.”

He didn't need to worry about the others figuring out anything about Demyx when he had trouble figuring him out, himself. Even when he managed to pull back one layer, there was always another layer of mystery underneath, leaving him to wonder if he had ever seen the Master's true face.

That was just a part of why he loved him and wanted him so badly.

“It hurts to watch you suffering,” Demyx said, already unzipping the front of his coat. “You've become what you were always meant to be. I've seen everything, you know. I know how hard you've tried to fill the hole I left, but nothing's ever been enough, has it? You've never felt satisfied.”

It annoyed Xigbar that he could acknowledge the hurt he left him with so nonchalantly. When he gave him his role, he must have known about the insatiable ache he would carry with him. He sent him off that way, knowing. He let him go without any warning. The Master wanted him to be that way, consumed by an inescapable desire that plagued his heart with guilt and shame.

He wanted him to be miserable. Because it had to be that way.

In order for the Master's desired future to come, he had to be miserable.

“C'mere,” Demyx said, standing, letting his coat fall to the floor. “Let me comfort you.”

Xigbar's defenses collapsed.

Unable to resist the temptation, he tossed Demyx onto the bed and straddled his body, putting his hands on Demyx's shoulders to pin him to the bed. The smile on his face was like a challenge. Xigbar knew that there was no point in pinning him – he wasn't going to try to escape – but his irritatingly cocky grin begged him to show him something that would change his mind.

“Were you really always like this?” Xigbar wondered aloud.

In the space between them, Demyx lifted one of his knees and rubbed it against the front of Xigbar's pants. “What do you mean? Everyone's like this. There's nothing wrong with it. If you ignore what you want and deny yourself of it, you'll go insane.”

“Everyone...?”

“Everyone has something they hate themselves for – something that they resent themselves for wanting. But why? Where's the harm in that? If I say it's okay, then it's okay. If you keep ignoring what you want, it'll rot you from the inside out. At the cost of avoiding causing inconveniences for someone else, you'll become your own victim.”

Xigbar's hands shook, his palms sweating in his gloves. He was breathing heavily. His eye was only able to focus on the aquamarine eyes beneath him.

The Master was right.

But, why did it feel like he would lose something if he gave in?

Time was a thing spent. Once it was used up, it was gone. The innocent days he spent as the Master's student were already gone. Only memories remained. As faded and worn out as they were, they were still important to him...

It didn't matter whether he indulged himself or not.

His innocent memories had been trampled the moment the Master noticed his desire for him.

Nothing had ever been innocent, even his affection. Behind even the most innocent of his feelings had hid the covetous desire to be the only one who was allowed to touch him.

 

“Fuck me,” Demyx said. “You'll feel better.”

 

That was the problem.

He felt like he was going to snap. He'd felt that way for a long time. If he finally let himself snap, he believed that he might start to feel better, but it wasn't that simple. Even though the Master was the object of his desire, he didn't want to release it on him. It wasn't like he thought he was even capable of hurting him. He really was just... afraid of disappointing him.

With a growl of frustration, Xigbar flipped him over and hastily pulled up the bottom zipper on his coat and unfastened his pants. As he tugged off Demyx's pants, he heard him chuckling again, and the sound of it made the heat of embarrassment return to his face. He felt helpless to his own desire, and the Master knew that.

He didn't want to be indulged. He didn't need his pity – he could take what he wanted with his own two hands.

Xigbar barely saw the body beneath him. What he lusted for was the thing inside.

He wished that he could reach inside of him and pull out the Master's real self. He wondered if he'd ever seen it, even a glimpse. His real self was probably grotesque in the sort of way only something perfect could be.

 

He wanted to see.

He was scared to see, but he wanted to see.

 

As soon as his hands touched his body, Xigbar realized how foolish his worries had been. His hands couldn't dirty something he could never touch. He and the Master were on completely separate planes. With that in mind, he wanted to get as close to him as he physically could.

Xigbar snatched up the lubricant he kept next to his bed. As much as he wanted a raw experience, he didn't want the 'newbie' bleeding all over his white sheets. He would have loved to make him bleed, but he probably would have never forgiven himself for it, either.

That didn't mean he was going to waste time preparing him, though. If he went that far, he imagined that he would have been laughed at for being so considerate. The Master wanted to see him unleash his desire, letting nothing else stand in the way.

After removing his gloves and quickly spreading some of the lube over his cock, he grabbed Demyx by the hips and pulled him up to meet him, impaling him on his cock. He was pretty light. Easy to manhandle. Somehow, Demyx managed to remain quiet, but Xigbar could tell that his first thrust caught him off guard in the way his shoulders temporarily stiffened. The tension eased out quickly as Demyx slumped forward, sinking his head into Xigbar's pillow.

“How does it feel?” Demyx asked, eyes closed, a pleasant expression on his face. “Is it everything you imagined?”

Xigbar gritted his teeth and growled, rocking his hips until his full length was inside of him. “Tighter than I expected,” he admitted. “But you're just his Nobody... No offense, but I don't think the genuine article would be this tight.”

“Huh? Is that good or bad?” Demyx asked, looking at him over his shoulder, sounding like he was ready to be offended depending on Xigbar's answer.

Xigbar grinned at him and slowly rolled his hips, aching to move. “Let's just say... I was aware of how he liked to spend his free time.”

“Oh, I see... Well, checkmate. I was aware that you were aware.”

“And I was aware that you were aware of me. That didn't stop me from spying on you.” It felt awfully liberating to be honest, to tell him about something he'd never told anyone. “Did any of the others ever see you? It was pretty bold of you to do things like that out in the open. It was almost like you wanted to get caught.”

Demyx laughed. “Ya got me. I always kinda hoped you'd take the risk, but you were still on the straight and narrow back then. I would've loved to have been your first, but it was just as good knowing that you were trying so hard to be a good boy just for me.”

He should've known that a man who thought it was appropriate to masturbate in his office with the door open would have had other inappropriate things on his mind.

“I would've liked that, too,” he said, feeling something aching inside his empty chest.

“Tell me about your first time,” Demyx said, too chatty for a guy in his position.

“It wasn't you,” Xigbar said. That was the only part that really mattered, but he knew better than to think that the Master would be satisfied with that. “It sucked. And I'll never forget it because it was the first. I decided that I couldn't save myself forever, but I wish I had, as stupid as that sounds.”

“Hm... That's not stupid.” With a contented sigh, Demyx hugged Xigbar's pillow and nuzzled his face into it, making himself cozy. “That makes me really happy to hear.”

It figured that he would be happy to hear that. His ego was bigger than the castle.

Slowly, Xigbar pulled back, grabbing and kneading Demyx's ass with both of his hands, enjoying the sight of him wrapped tightly around his raw cock. His body could have belonged to anyone. It hardly mattered what he was fucking as long as it contained the Master inside. Even then... Without a heart, it was hard to say whether the person under him could truly be called the Master at all.

Though, Xigbar realized that the same could have been said of himself.

If he didn't have his heart, then where was 'Luxu'?

His life was troubled with such absurd, meaningless questions. He constantly felt like he was losing himself while adhering to a path that was impossible to get lost from.

He wanted to laugh.

But if he did, he had the feeling it would have come out as something else.

 

“Hey, Xiggy... Don't think so much. It's dangerous.”

 

Xigbar thrust back into him, going all the way, his hips pressing up flush against Demyx's backside. His hands unconsciously returned to Demyx's hips and he gripped them tightly, digging his nails into his skin, needing to feel him in his hands to feel grounded.

“Already have a new nickname for me, huh? That's cute.”

He didn't want to hear Demyx say his name. The name 'Luxu' was reserved for the Master's lips – his true, complete self. Demyx seemed to share that feeling.

 

He was just a memory fervently holding on to the memory of the one he wanted to hold most.

 

It was all pointless. Even so, he wanted him. Whatever he could have.

 

As he began to move in earnest, he groaned out loud, overwhelmed by Demyx's tightness. On second thought, it would have been wiser if he'd prepared him, but that tightness was so tempting. His inner heat surrounded him and squeezed in just the right way; not so tight as to be painful, but tight enough to make Xigbar's eye lose its focus.

He nearly lost it the second he thought about how it would feel to fuck the Master's completed self. It had little to do with his body and everything to do with the sense of accomplishment he anticipated.

He wanted the whole thing. The real thing. His reward. His first place trophy. His Idol.

Until then, he didn't expect that he would feel anything close to satisfied.

Only hollow gasps escaped his throat as he fucked him, seeing through him, gazing toward the future where his real desire awaited. In the meantime, he grasped what he could reach, pulling Demyx up, bringing Demyx's back to his chest. One of his arms went around Demyx's waist, holding him tightly, while his other hand instinctually crept up his body. His fingers whispered over his collarbones and then closed around Demyx's throat.

There was amusement in the gasp that left Demyx's grinning mouth.

The Master was really a horrible and pitiable person. To him, life was a game he could never lose, so everything was funny and everything was boring. The smile he wore the most was the smile of a person who had no choice but to smile.

Wrapping his hands around his throat, threatening his pulse with the firm press of his thumbs...

That was the sort of thing that made him smile for real; cruelty blessedly bestowed upon him by the only person who understood the shape of his twisted heart.

“Nnmph... Xiggy-...”

His eyes rolled back and saliva rolled down from the corner of his mouth as the pulse beneath Xigbar's fingers throbbed dangerously. Xigbar was careful. But he knew that 'too much' would have never been too much, anyway, knowing that a future with the Master was certain. Watching him as he writhed and choked on his own spit was oddly satisfying in its own way. He looked like he was enjoying himself.

Weakly, Demyx lifted a quivering hand and patted the wrist of the hand that was wrapped around his neck. His complexion was looking a bit blue. His consciousness was slipping, and so was his smile.

Xigbar didn't speak. He held him firmly and continued to thrust, pretending to ignore his plea, letting him have the illusion of danger.

It felt even tighter inside of him. Moving his free hand to Demyx's cock, Xigbar found that he was rock hard, too – dripping, even. The longer he ignored him, the more desperately aroused he got, it seemed.

Fueled by the sound of Demyx's pathetic crying, Xigbar's thrusts became more fervent and uneven. Demyx's strength had left him, leaving him as little more than a rag doll in Xigbar's arms. Only a man as prideful as the Master could have felt so comfortable in such an otherwise vulnerable-seeming position.

At last, he let him go and returned his hands to Demyx's hips. Wobbling unsteadily, Demyx tipped and faceplanted into the pillow, mumbling incoherently between heaving breaths. Xigbar slammed his hips against his backside, evoking even more pitiful noises from him. Distantly, he wondered if anyone else could hear them. It was good to set a precedent. He knew that wasn't going to be the last time for them, so he hoped everyone else would quickly learn to love the sound of Demyx's loud moaning and crying.

He leaned his weight into him, going as deep as he could while pressing Demyx down into the thin mattress.

“You may not have been my first... But I gotta thank you for letting me be your first in this body,” Xigbar said, capping his words with a long groan as he pulled back and thrust back into Demyx's hot, throbbing tightness. “It's my pleasure to break it in for you.”

Demyx seemed to come alive at those words, reacting with more incoherent noises, weakly nudging his hips back to meet Xigbar's thrusts.

Xigbar soothed a hand over his back.

“Want me to touch you?” he asked.

Demyx took a few shaky breaths and looked back at him with bleary eyes. “What, do you think I'd say no?”

“I just wanna hear you say it. Can't you play along?” But all he received was stubborn silence. “C'mon. Pretty please?”

Demyx grumbled. “Kay, fine... X-... Xiggy, touch me, please~”

That sounded strangely sincere, coming from him. Impressed, Xigbar obliged right away, slipping a hand under Demyx to grab his cock. Demyx's whole body tightened up at the contact, curling inward on himself as if his body was unsure of whether it wanted more or not. Xigbar couldn't wait to find out if he was always that sensitive.

He stroked him lazily as he neared his own climax. Tipping his head back, he breathed calmly and let out one long breath as he came. Demyx eagerly took it all, pressing back against him to make sure Xigbar stayed buried deep inside of him as his cock pulsed with his orgasm.

Even when it was through, Xigbar stayed connected to him, huffing against the back of Demyx's shoulder, moving subtly to savor the oversensitive feeling. He kept stroking Demyx, enjoying the wetness of his precum against his palm – enjoying the fact that he'd succeeded in pleasing him.

 

...Had that been his aim?

 

All of his other feelings took the backseat. In the end, he just wanted to please him. His years of frustration felt insignificant compared to his desire for the Master's praise and approval.

As he stroked him, he caressed a hand up Demyx's stomach and placed a hand over his chest where his heart would have been. Softly, he placed a kiss to the back of his neck. Somehow, that must have startled him. A powerful shudder worked its way down Demyx's spine. A moment later, though, Xigbar felt the warmth of his cum soaking his palm.

“Hey-”

“Uh...”

Xigbar pulled out and pushed Demyx back down onto the mattress, straddling over him with a grin. “Did you just come from a kiss? For real?”

Demyx avoided his eyes, lips drawn into a phony, nervous smile. “That was a coincidence.”

“As if. There are no coincidences with you.”

Demyx turned onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow. “More importantly... How was it? Do you feel satisfied now?”

Xigbar shook his head. “Course not. It felt like that was more for you than for me.”

“Really?” Demyx held him in his eyes, observing him like one of his research specimens. “You don't feel like you learned something about yourself?”

 

He wasn't in the mood to think about it.

When he thought about it, he felt disappointed in himself.

 

His unwavering faith in the Master... His exalt of a person so grossly human...

 

He fixed his clothes, then grabbed a few tissues to clean Demyx with. Demyx seemed a bit surprised by the attention, but he cooperated. Once he was finished, Xigbar laid down next to him. Putting his arms around Demyx's waist, resting his chin on his shoulder, he pressed another soft kiss to his neck and felt another small shiver.

“I don't know what you expect me to say, but I'll say this... I'm glad you're here, Demyx.”

For a moment, Demyx was quiet, then he gave a small laugh.

“I see,” he said, wrapping his arms around Xigbar's shoulders, entwining their legs. “Ever the good little lamb.”

As Demyx gently stroked a hand over his back, Xigbar closed his eyes, relaxing into the comfort of ancient memories.

 

There was something he'd learned.

 

His innocent feelings were still there. There wasn't enough dirt that could taint them.

No matter how dark or twisted those feelings, he loved and admired him sincerely. And the Master's feelings, for as ambiguous as they were... They were pretty clear, too.

 

“You aren't half-bad for a guy who's only half a person.”

Demyx snickered. “Back atcha. Why, if I weren't mistaken, I'd think you still had your heart...”

That didn't sound possible, but Demyx's suspicious way of saying it made Xigbar think otherwise. He suddenly felt self-conscious.

With a soft sigh, Demyx closed his eyes and snuggled up to him, nudging their foreheads together. Unable to help himself, Xigbar lifted a hand and stroked his hair, watching him as his breathing became more even, as he started drifting off.

“Not to be a pest, but there are still things I wanna know,” Xigbar said.

At the sound of his voice, Demyx opened his eyes.

“Mkay. Shoot.”

Xigbar hesitated for a moment. He had a lot of questions. It was for the best if he started somewhere simple, he decided. “This might sound like a stupid question, but... That instrument you pulled out earlier – was that a keyblade?”

“Nah. And that wasn't a stupid question, either. You get how it works. It's not a keyblade, but it was made in a similar fashion. Right now, I unfortunately don't have a heart, so I couldn't have produced a keyblade even if I wanted.”

Well, it didn't sound like he was hiding anything that time.

“It's crazy to think that there's something you can't do,” Xigbar mused, idly scratching the back of Demyx's head – he seemed to like that. “Next question... I'm curious about what you told me outside. You're going to help me find recruits?”

Demyx's expression suddenly darkened, eyes narrowing with displeasure. “Yes. There are a couple unfortunate weeds that need picking.”

“An interference?”

Demyx nodded, looking none too pleased to admit that there was something trying to interfere with their chosen fate. “Don't worry. This will be the perfect time to exterminate them.” His eyes softened as he slipped back into a smile. “You can help me with that, right?”

“Yeah.”

It didn't even take him a second to answer. He was willing to do whatever the Master asked of him. He'd done worse for his role.

Besides, he always suspected that there was a spanner in the works. The fact that his negligence had caught up with him made it his responsibility to take care of it.

“Any more questions?” Demyx asked.

Xigbar gave it some thought and chose the most important question.

“What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?”

He pursed his lips, thinking. “It's gotta be... Strawberry!”

“Heh. If you like strawberry, then I know of the perfect place. Have you ever been to Disney Town?”

Demyx nodded emphatically. “I have!”

“Well, there are these three brothers who got into the ice cream business in recent years. They have a whole bunch of unique flavors. When I was there last, I couldn't help but think that it seemed like something you'd enjoy.”

 

His smile...

 

That one.

The one that could have melted away even the deepest darkness with its light.

 

Xigbar was reminded of the reason for why he did anything.

 

The Master was the brightest star in the sky.

 

“Let's go together sometime,” Demyx said.

“When you're whole again,” Xigbar promised. “Then we'll go.”


End file.
